History of a Bad Boy
Two months ago I had a breakthrough - I met a great looking, tall, funny, athletic guy and I was sure the sparks were there. Our first phone conversation lasted two hours - this hadn't happened to me in over four years. In the past year, the new men in my life have all been one of two extremes - the boys who cause me to run in the opposite direction, endlessly screening phone calls, or the ones that want to shop with me and watch movies starring Barbara Streisand.
Unfortunately, the breakthrough had nothing to do with how charming I felt this new (bad) boy was. Not even 6 hours after our first date, I received a text message from his good friend, warning me to stay away from him.
It seemed Bad Boy had earned quite a reputation for himself. Before I knew it, his friends were updating me with information that could have taken countless dates, filled with whimsically false romance, before I would have ever known better. And of course, by that time, it would have been too late.
It seemed like a euphoric victory to know that the guy I had begun to like was described as a whore who had "no soul." Apparently, he had a habit of "getting into girls' pants" and then staging sudden, and unexpected, disappearing acts. But this time, I would be the one disappearing.
I can't be the only one who has wished that men came with warnings. Can you imagine a world where within 24 hours of becoming interested in someone, you can find out every reason why you shouldn't? A world where guys walk around with their own personal nutrition facts, and you can decide whether they're worth all those calories?
But, in reality, do we really want to know someone else's past before we have a chance to really know them? Would it be fair if it was the other way around, and he was getting a fabled version of your own history before you've even been on your third date? We've all done things we wouldn't want the person we're currently dating to know about. (Maybe some of us have done things we don't want anyone to know about?)
I consulted a good friend, and after he heard the story, he said, "Well, first of all, they're not really his friends."
I had to agree. Whether it was true or not, they didn't look much better for sharing the details. But were they just protecting me? Maybe, but just as soon as one "friend" had warned me away from Bad Boy, he began flooding my inbox with text messages - overwhelming me with complements and invitations. This Good Guy was operating on the premise that Bad Boy had left a vacancy, one that Good Guy was apparently willing to fill.
Regardless of whether the sources were credible, I convinced myself that a long phone conversation and a few great nights weren't enough for me to risk getting hurt. I walked away.
But even believing that I had dodged a bullet didn't minimize the sadness I felt for never knowing him on my own terms. It was like swerving to miss an accident and somehow feeling sad that you didn't crash.
Eventually, in a big town that is somehow so small, we ended up at the same bar, at the same time, on the same Friday.
Bad Boy said it wasn't true. And I believed him. At that moment, there wasn't an ounce of me that could think otherwise. (I blame vodka mixed only with soda water. These drinks are so strong they not only make you believe a Bad Boy, but they also make you believe you can sing like Carrie Underwood.)
I can't say that Bad Boy proved the Good Guys wrong. Or that this story had a happy ending. It just ended with a never-ended ending. But one that left me wondering - we're constantly making choices - republican or democrat, pro-choice or pro-life, regular or decaf, red wine or white, coke or pepsi, blended or on the rocks, boxers or briefs, and now, bad boys or good guys. Is there any real difference? Is one really better than the other?
Maybe the Good Guys were right, maybe Bad Boy is all those things, maybe he lied to me. It certainly wouldn't be the first time a guy told me what I wanted to hear. I have to wonder, with all the rhetoric these boys throw at us, how can we ever believe anything?
I've spent years thinking about the guys I've dated and wishing that I had known then what I know now - but I think the real truth is that I don't want to know. If you had told me then, I still would have jumped head first. I guess learning something for yourself is better than always wondering - at the worst you'll end up with a day or two of heartache and another chapter for your novel.
Call me a crazy romantic, but even when I decided to walk away from Bad Boy, I couldn't quite shake the optimistic belief that maybe I could have been the exception instead of the rule.
And I've seen Bad Boy transform into Good Guy - at the right time, and with the right girl. I know it happens. It's the modern day fairy tale - eventually Prince Charming stops being a jerk.
And then, they live happily ever after.
Chrissy Bryant is a writer from Northern California. She writes for several online and print publications. Her favorite topics are fashion, jewelry, relationships and everyday life. http://www.chrissybryant.com/
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